What if I am an Ah Long?

Inspired by the movie Ah Long Pte Ltd by Jack Neo breaking Singapore box office records, it suddenly came to thoughts, "What if I were an Ah Long?" (Ah Long literally means "loan shark")..

Hmm.. that's the interesting part..

First hor, I will go around hiring big chunky sized mafia as runners to go collect the debts.. No point hiring fierce looking tiny old men.. Big people are good.. Can show their giant body and scaring old grandmas and young kids.. terrorising them so that whichever family member borrowed will pay up..

(source: skullbase.blogspot.com)

Secondly, being a good Ah Long, I give discount la.. If they take 1 week to pay up, I give discount.. No need kene hantam (be beaten up).. If they take 1 month, then can expect free gifts laa.. A few punch kicks.. And hor, if they take 1 year to pay up.. Haha.. I will give free gift also!! But to the family member.. the head of the stupid debtor..

(source: skullbase.blogspot.com)

Third hor.. with the money and interest collected har, I will go invest in malay ASB or ASN or ASMB or whatever it is la.. they say the interest rates is so high!! Can make more money one!

Then with more money, I can lend to more people and bigger amount of money.. then the people cannot pay one for sure.. then my chunky boys will then go terrorising them lor.. spray paint.. spray chicken blood.. beat them up.. can kill them also if they stubborn..

I wont be worried la.. cos the Malaysian Government and police is ineffective.. They say want to clean the country up of Ah Long, but till now, 4 years into power (summore kene defeated badly last week), still Ah Long RULES!!!

Give 1001 reasons la why the Government dont care about Ah Long.. maybe they scared of us gua.. or maybe they also borrow money from Ah Long leh.. scared mar..

(source: begitu.blogspot.com)

Is it very difficult to find us? No ar.. Our phone numbers are everywhere.. pasted on billboards, shop fronts, bus stops.. toilet.. everywhere also got.. even Yellow Pages also got.. but why no police or government konco call us geh? Dunno lar.. maybe they all too rich gua, no need borrow money!! They dun borrow, they take from others!!! Wahlau.!

Anyway.. last time in Singapore, I borrowed S$80 to a Randy Tan, and now.. 3 years later, still havent pay me back!! Stupid idiot.. I borrowed him the money cos he said he got financial problem.. and I am a good guy and with extra cash to spare.. so I borrow him la.. and then he dissapeared.. and never to be heard from again..

So, if anyone of you know this Randy Tan of Jurong East (about 1.8m, quite fair, smokes - my smoke buddy) please alert him.. cos Ah Long PLUBOY is on the loose for him!! I have been in search for him for 3 years..

See if he can hide summore or not..

Finally, if only I were an Ah Long okay? This is just purely imagination thoughts with real facts, specially for Advertlets.com who are so generous to offer 110 movie tickets for screening of Ah Long Pte Ltd in Cathay Cineleisure.. A MILLION THANK$$$ :)


(images are credited to where I taken them from)